Paging Dr.Seuss

I was having chest pains, right where my heart is located. So I went to the doctor, and another one and another one. “Let’s perform an EKG and blood work,” he said. What did they find? Anemia. Eat something. “What we have here, is a failure to communicate.” – Cool Hand Luke.

So that called for more testing and more testing… because that only addressed hunger pangs. Cardiac enzymes were not present, but evidence of internal bleeding was. “Let’s perform a colonoscopy and an EGD- esophagogastroduodenoscopy,” they said. That was all clear for the most part. “Let’s do a capsule endoscopy,” they said. Remember the movie Fantastic Voyage? It was like that only I swallowed it. As Craig Ferguson would say,” I got nothing.” I had to have an x-ray to verify that the capsule “escaped.”

Oh wait. Chest pains you say. Okay “Let’s do a nuclear stress test,” they said and another EKG and a mammogram of the heart and a scan of some kind. More nothing results ensued. Well you see where this is going? Good, I don’t either. But now I am only waiting for the results of my insurance claims. The chest pains are gone. I did catch T.B. or something from being around all those sick people.

Well it wasn’t a waste of time. I got to have some fun. While in one of the waiting rooms I was asked if I needed help with something. My stolen response was “No thanks, I’m just waiting.”