I'm Not Alone

You weren’t the reason for day and night

And on occasion I’d pick a fight

But now you’re gone

With the dawn’s early light

And I have no way to say it to you

Your life and mine were so intertwined

For God’s own secrets we searched to find

But now you’re gone

So I’m left behind

And I have no way to say it to you

I promise I will choose my words carefully

The pain you left inside is my own

Just tell me where to look for that old sweet smile

To show me that I’m not alone

Now go beyond the world that we see

To the One waiting for you and me

For now you’re gone

Where everyone is free

And I have no need to say it to you

Jeff Hall

2/9/2010

In memory of my twin sister

Debbie was and always will be a free spirit. In the past she rarely could find an outlet. Here’s hoping she has finally found one. According to her own assessment she was also a very old spirit. Old in that she had been around the block a few times on a plane from which few of us ever operate. She channeled in such a way that made you want to come along for the ride, but all you could do was remain behind and watch and pray that she return in one piece. While the rest of us shuffled around in circles, she was riding bareback on a wild appaloosa, wind in her face and oblivious to the perils that lay in her wake. Toward the end she just needed someone to be there for her. Not uncommon for someone who had become so fragile. Not uncommon for anyone.


Even when Debbie became so pale and weak, you could sense a multitude of things churning around in her like a horse that had been separated from its master. Some might say she did this to herself. And maybe in the final analysis that’s true, but she didn’t deserve it. She just wanted something back. Something to hold onto. I don’t think she ever found it. Again not unique. Here’s hoping she has found that Something now.

I am very thankful each time I catch a deep breath or wake up with a clear head. Some folks can’t ever seem to make that claim. To them I say, keep working on it.

Debbie and I spoke to each other everyday without exception, until her last two days. I never called her back. Our uncle had just died; he was our last remaining kin in the states. I was starting a regiment of Chantix and four hours of sleep a night. I guess I’ll never know what happened those last two days. I can only pray and give thanks that she has finally found peace.

To her daughter Natalie and family and friends, I know it’s hard, but I am asking you all to be happy for her. She suffered a lot of setbacks and trauma over the years.

I’ll end with a condensed version of the story of Molly, a horse about whom Debbie told . In short, the horse was abandoned in Hurricane Katrina, was rescued and sent to a farm after weeks of roaming lost. She nearly died from a pit bull attack and had to have one leg amputated. “She's tough as nails, but sweet, and she was willing to cope with pain. She made it obvious she understood that she was in trouble.” Said the surgeon who rescued her. A human prosthesis designer built Molly a leg. Most important of all, Molly has a job now. Kay, the rescue farm owner, started taking Molly to shelters, hospitals, nursing homes, and rehabilitation centers. Anywhere she thought that people needed hope. Wherever Molly went, she showed people her pluck. She inspired people, and she had a good time doing it.” It’s obvious to me that Molly had a bigger role to play in life,” Moore said. “She survived the hurricane, she survived a horrible injury, and now she is giving hope to others.”
The bottom of her new leg has a happy face embossed on it. Everywhere she goes she leaves the imprint. Debbie left smiles everywhere she went and I hope the rain doesn’t wash them away either.

Thank you all for your love and support and God bless you.

It doesn't work

I had to go back to August 1, 2009 to view the last time I talked about customer service. It was a glowing report. This one won’t be. Not to pick on anyone in particular, let’s just say this concerns the management on hand at the Walgreens at 1306 N.Beckley and Colorado in Oak Cliff at 10:29 AM on Wednesday, September 30, 2009. I walked from one end of the store to the other, slowly, twice. Not a word was spoken. I felt like Mad Max out in the middle of the desert alone. I finally tackled a guy as he tried to dart around me, again without a word. He was the manager on duty! I followed him like a pet duck until he came to an abrupt halt at cosmetics. He answered their price check request and proceeded to just stand there facing no one. I finally waved at them sideways and said “later.”




I was now standing in the checkout line when lo and behold, here comes the mgr. who finally looked up and saw me, much to his dismay. Then he got all wiggly and apologetic so I proceeded to give him my story. All I wanted was someone, anyone to restock two items that they had been out of since I bought both of their last defects. Neither refund request nor complaint did I have. Just replace this crap that stopped working. Up until now, I have shopped there since it was a new store. I spent hundreds of dollars there just this month. Only two defects out of dozens of necessities, not bad really considering I don’t think one single item was made anywhere near the good ole U.S. of A.



Then came the excuses for not wanting to do any kind of actual work. Well we don’t stock that anymore was the first one. This coming after I had been told just days before that it would be restocked on Monday. So order one from another store I said. Well they probably don’t stock it either came the next one. Can’t you just check for me so I don’t drive all over town looking for a lower volume store that still has one in stock? Give me credit for trying to do the green thing here, folks. I’m sure they would be glad to get rid of it. I’m not asking for sex exactly, just do your job. Well we don’t and they won’t and she might. Try the girl in cosmetics. So I did. She yelled at the checkout girl whose line I was removed from ten minutes ago. I walked over to check on her after a few minutes and caught her going through a box of other defective items looking for one to swap out. Finally the first girl took my phone number down on a receipt that someone never received. The sign says you get $5.00 if they don’t give you a receipt. That is only there to cut back on employee theft. Don’t worry about me. I don’t have a receipt either. It was a gift to me from a good neighbor. I think what I’ll do is wait by the phone until I need a haircut or something. Then if they actually call me to say they found one, I’ll say “Just put it in stock. I’ll get up there sometime when I’m ready.”

PS  I drove to two other stores and found two of the same items. I bought both of them and I think I'll keep the defect as a momento.

It works

I bought a showerhead at the grocery store on impulse. It went very strategically onto the shelf for the next six months until I noticed it the other day. My current shower hardware spews tiny streams into my eyes and ears all the time. Very irritating experience indeed. So I screwed it off and twisted the new one on. That took at least fifteen seconds. Then something simply shocking happened. It worked! I mean voluminous columns of hot water frothing about my body like a personal car wash were pelting down and if I turned it up it actually hurt. When I got out I was ionized. It was as though a spring thunderstorm had moved through my bathroom and then vanished. I dug out the package to read the part again that said “built in water saver.” I’ll bet I had some of you brewing up an argument about the environment there for a while. Well you can exhale. I even scanned it so that I would have proof. If you still want to send me to enviro-boot camp, then I don’t mind. I’m actually very liberal when it comes to not wanting to toast the planet for my own amusement. I just don’t want to toast the people in the process.



So I got to thinking, “How much other stuff am I missing out on?” I went through the house (the workshop is next) and found all kind of neat gizmos that I was hanging on to. They were just waiting for a friend to play with. They were waiting on me. To notice. To act like it really matters to me if they are around, or should it stay on the shelf until I really need it? The status quo works just fine as long as our needs are met. Well maybe it’s time for a change.



I have adopted that same attitude toward people. They might just be waiting for a playmate. Someone to share. Something old, but new. We mustn’t overlook them like an old car that we take for granted because we know it’s always there. Sometimes people and things just need to find themselves in a new spot, all dusted off and shined up. Then we can begin to have a brand new experience with the people we love. Don’t get me wrong. Just the fact that you exist is enough to satisfy me. But wouldn’t it be nice to actually feel appreciated for a change. Would it make your day to know that you are not just in the way? Someone is actually looking for you. Well it seems rather simple to me. Just notice things and people as you spin your web while busy doing nothing. Then things and people get a lot more interesting.

Hang on

I recently had my truck tested for emissions as part of the state inspection process. It failed. So $244.00 later I had a long needed, new catalytic converter. Irene only runs on Royal Purple motor oil and I had that changed also.(All my trucks are named Irene.) I used to do all that stuff myself, but figure time spent on labor, time looking for a place to recycle the old oil and filter and the hospital bill for a torn rotator cuff and I’ve got plenty of reasons to shell out the ten bucks to have it done. It has never run better. I’m happy. We’re done. Right? Wrong. Everywhere I look I see signs saying, “Failed?” Get up to $600.00 toward authorized repairs or $3000.00 + to just junk it. What to do?

How about I fix it and pay for it? I’m already here. It’s my truck, my wear and tear and my mileage. “Hang on to that truck” was all I ever heard before now. Well first of all I’m encouraged a lot more to just junk it than to fix it. I need a new car payment and $3500.00 cash in my pocket anyway. Don’t you? It used to be simple. Emissions parts all came from the factory with a “limited lifetime warranty.” I don’t know about you, but my lifetime is certainly limited; guaranteed. But wait! There’s a catch. You can’t just fix it and be done with it. You must seek and receive the state’s assistance before you actually try to accomplish what you took time out to do in the first place. So many choices and neither the time nor the cash do I have. I know, I’ll call them at this phone number that they advertise a lot more than they do their website. Leave it to government to do everything backwards.

So here’s what I did. I fixed it and I paid for it and I drove it…a lot. I produced more emissions that day than I had in the preceding two months. But I’m good; the truck “ran clean across Texas.” Most importantly, the state is $244.00 richer. Can I have that money to put up a sign that says, “Take responsibility?” Just two words to live by are all I ask. Okay here are two more or did I already see this one? Drive friendly. That kind of grammar used to drive my Mom crazy. But on the other hand, she once sold the best car she ever owned, a very low emissions 1977 Corolla, because a heater hose broke. She should have hung on to that car.

The letter

My favorite word processor just blew up but I want to write this down before I fix that.

Oddly enough, my subject is writing. We call, text, i.m., email, Twitter and even blog to our family and friends, but when was the last time you actually wrote a letter? That’s right. Have you written a letter lately, or have you ever for that matter? I don’t mean tweeting about every lame event in your life. I’m talking sharpen up a pencil and put into words how you feel about someone. Yeah all that up close and personal stuff. Must everything be so temporary now? They used to write on the cave walls.

It really doesn’t take that much time out of our busy schedule, considering the time one might spend chatting with anyone who will listen. Need some examples for starters? How about “We’ve known each other a long time and I’ve never asked you this.” Another one might be “This is how much you mean to me.” Just pretend I’m writing this letter to you. Here are some first sentances.

Words do a poor job here so dig down deep into my heart and know that I love you like no one else.

It’s not God, family and friends, it’s God, family and you.

Only the time we have yet to spend together will eclipse the times we have had.

All I know is you are my friend, come what may.

Being with you can be a complete deliverance from the humdrum of everyday life.

Just knowing you exist is enough.

Time goes so quickly when we’re together, the opposite when we’re not.

Bring me your sadness and I’ll make you forget. Bring me your smile and I’ll make you remember.

I guess I’d better stop. One more?

The average heart beats 2.3 trillion times in a lifetime. Every time I see you that number goes up.